Chapter 32 - Bean Bag Therapy

Crazy Larry loved beans almost as much as he loved different types of mustard or pop tarts. Larry could spend all day at the grocery store searching the rows and rows of canned beans for the secret ingredient that would make his belly happy. Most of the time he settled for a regular generic brand of baked beans with ham and a hint of brown sugar. He occasionally ventured down to the less expensive, but more difficult to prepare, bags of beans. Those beans needed to be soaked and treated with tender loving care before they could be consumed.
Not only were beans good for eating and other personal amusements, but Crazy Larry found that a bag of beans could be a healthful alternative for his rage than say his good friend Jack Kass. Larry could take a bag of hard black-eyed peas and fill up one of his mother’s large glass jars. Then he would take a long slender steak knife and stab the jar of beans until the knife got stuck. This would often take a while, but it allowed him to relieve himself of the urge to stab something and it gave him a sense of accomplishment when the knife would stick and he could pick up the entire jar of beans by holding the knife.
Late one night, Larry was cleaning out his last of six cans of baked beans when he found a new way to relieve himself of the urge to stab something. He started stacking the empty cans of beans in the living room and decided that he needed more cans. Crazy Larry’s mother was fast asleep while he was performing his next act of self help. He went out to the box out near the trash can and picked out as many cans as he could. Larry brought them back inside and stacked them up as well. He continued stacking empty cans of beans for the better part of the night until he had a very large wall of empty canned goods in the middle of the living room. He stood back and felt better already, even though the best part had yet to commence.
It was about 3am when Crazy Larry’s mother was awakened to a great crash from the living room. Larry had donned a football helmet and crashed himself into the great wall of canned goods and onto the floor. Larry’s mother was dumbfounded at the scene in the living room. Bits of bean and other food particles left in old cans that Larry had collected were all over the floor and Larry was sitting in the middle of it all fast asleep. She guessed that he was better off than if she were to wake him up and try to understand what the hell was going on. She turned around and went back to her bedroom. Crazy Larry was ok and would sleep fine now that he had satisfied his inner self-destruct demon.